Setting Boundaries For Yourself

Setting Boundaries For Yourself

Knowing how to set boundaries for yourself is a challenging task. Knowing when to say “NO” can be difficult for some. The disease to please can be a powerful driver when it comes to overstepping, blurring or not having any boundaries at all. The questions that arise then are: why do  I have this disease to please? Why do I feel compelled to save others in their need whilst ignoring my own? Why is it that I feel if I didn’t do this for someone else I’d be less than?

When we have the disease to please we are often operating from a place of fear. Fear of being disliked by others, a fear of being rejected by others, a fear of being judged by others or a fear of being excluded from the lives of others. Fear holds us in place of captivity. A place where we feel restricted and confined. Fear can be as much of an ally, as it can be an enemy. And the fear of fear can keep us locked in a cage of insecurity. How do you overcome it? You learn to leverage it.

The single most important thing you need to know about fear is that it generates in your thoughts. Your thoughts create your reality. Control over something external is always an illusion because anything can change at any given moment without your consent. The only thing you can really ever control (and not always) is what you think and do. But the point is that the brain believes it, thus it’s true.

So what happens is that as the person with the disease to please you end up imagining the worst possible outcome of saying NO. You expect the disapproval, judgment, and rejection of others. A different outcome is not even part of your thought process. So the expected outcome becomes your reality.

Ask yourself if you’re scared of other’s judgments. How are you scared you will be judged? Do you judge others? Are you judging yourself? What’s the worst that can happen? If you’re scared of rejection, what would happen if you are rejected? Do you feel whole and loved on your own? Do you love yourself, or do you depend on others to feel worthy and enough? Focus on developing your self-confidence and self-love.

Change how you see yourself and how you see your fears will change. Not because they will disappear, but because you will find the courage and the energy to overcome them